An idea I had that would greatly improve air traveling public's in-flight experience, but also reinforces that it's a good thing I am not a parent

Commercial air travel is a complex human experience.  It can be exciting, stressful, tedious, aggravating or enjoyable.  Sometimes one trip can hit all of those traits and more. 

In my experience, bad travel experiences are best divide into those that can't be helped, and those that could have been mediated with better policy, practice or common sense.  Weather delays fall into the first category. If the airport is snowed in, it is hard to blame anyone.  But so many bad flight experiences are preventable.  Better or more realistic scheduling, for example, can lessen chronic delays.  A more strict adherence to policy can prevent that chaos that occurs in the aisle during boarding when selfish jerks and hapless nincompoops bring on board ridiculously over-sized luggage and odd items and then have nowhere to put them.  This is usually determined after they boarded late and managed to slam into several people while trying to get their steamer trunk in a bin best suited for a gym bag.

For me, however, nothing is more annoying than the presence of screaming babies, toddlers and brats.  Yes, I know; just saying this makes me an asshole.  But, sorry, that's the way I feel.  To be sure, kids should be able to travel.  But do they have to travel on the same plane as me?  Honestly, I would rather have an hour delay each way that have someone's little darling sit behind me kicking my seat all the way to Florida. 

In all fairness, yes, my parents took us on trips when we were little kids.  But back then people treated flying and their fellow passengers with a lot more respect.  We had to wear our Sunday best, and we didn't dare make a scene.  My mother perfected the "if looks could kill" stare.  These days, tracksuited passengers let little ones blare loud games, run up and down the aisles, and generally annoy curmudgeons like me.

This is why I hope airlines and the FAA will endorse my new idea:  Baby-Stow™ comfort bed overhead bins for small children:

Think of it:  you board, deposit your kids in a specially equipped bin where there are safely, securely and comfortably enclosed in a space pumped full of hyper-oxygenated air (for restful light-headedness).  Parents can select music or videos to keep the kids occupied, and the bins are soundproofed for the benefit of the adult passengers.  Why, it can even be educational!  You could play language and dialect media so the little tykes can be better versed in the local language and/or vernacular.  (They won't have to ask things like "what are grits?", "what's cervesa mean?" or "am I a señior or señiorita?")  At the end of the flight, both parent and child arrive refreshed, and the other passengers are not harboring homicidal thoughts, at least toward the parents.

Yeah, yeah, I know.  This is probably cruel, not to mention illegal, unsafe and totally just plain wrong.  But how different is it from when my aunt used to give my cousins codeine cough syrup when they used to fly.  That worked like a charm and was, ostensibly, doctor-approved.

OK.  Maybe this needs more thought.

[h/t to Jorie and Jack for the photo]

Comments

[Savvy Navigator]

Yes. Brilliant idea. A former colleAAgue used to talk about “Baby Velcro,” which would be a toddler’s Velcro suit that would allow the parent to stick the tot to the ceiling.