Lt. John Pike, the UC Davis campus policeman who so casually pepper sprayed peaceful protesters, has earned himself a whole lot of Internet attention. And that means PhotoShop is working overtime...
A whole lot more after the jump...
Continue reading "Congratulations, Lt. John Pike! You're now an asshat AND a viral Internet meme!" »
You've certainly seen the people who are adamantly against anything that might be remotely associated with the dreaded socialism. Interviews from the recent town halls and that not-so-big 912 Project march on Washington are plentiful and, sadly, none of these folks will be getting their MENSA credentials anytime soon.
For them, it may be helpful for to read and sign and carry the pledge below so they can be sure not to get use or otherwise get near these socialist programs, services and entities...
I, ________________________, do solemnly swear to uphold the principles of a socialism-free society and heretofore pledge my word that I shall strictly adhere to the following:
I will complain about the destruction of 1st Amendment Rights in this country, while I am duly being allowed to exercise my 1st Amendment Rights.
I will complain about the destruction of my 2nd Amendment Rights in this country, while I am duly being allowed to exercise my 2nd Amendment rights by legally but brazenly brandishing unconcealed firearms in public.
I will foreswear the time-honored principles of fairness, decency, and respect by screaming unintelligible platitudes regarding tyranny, Nazi-ism, and socialism at public town halls. Also.
I pledge to eliminate all government intervention in my life. I will abstain from the use of and participation in any socialist goods and services including but not limited to the following:
- Social Security
- Medicare/Medicaid
- State Children’s Health Insurance Programs (SCHIP)
- Police, Fire, and Emergency Services
- US Postal Service
- Roads and Highways
- Air Travel (regulated by the socialist FAA)
- The US Railway System
- Public Subways and Metro Systems
- Public Bus and Lightrail Systems
- Rest Areas on Highways
- Sidewalks
- All Government-Funded Local/State Projects (e.g., see Iowa 2009 federal senate appropriations)
- Public Water and Sewer Services (goodbye socialist toilet, shower, dishwasher, kitchen sink, outdoor hose!)
- Public and State Universities and Colleges
- Public Primary and Secondary Schools
- Sesame Street
- Publicly Funded Anti-Drug Use Education for Children
- Public Museums
- Libraries
- Public Parks and Beaches
- State and National Parks
- Public Zoos
- Unemployment Insurance
- Municipal Garbage and Recycling Services
- Treatment at Any Hospital or Clinic That Ever Received Funding From Local, State or Federal Government (pretty much all of them)
- Medical Services and Medications That Were Created or Derived From Any Government Grant or Research Funding (again, pretty much all of them)
- Socialist Byproducts of Government Investment Such as Duct Tape and Velcro (Nazi-NASA Inventions)
- Use of the Internets, email, and networked computers, as the DoD's ARPANET was the basis for subsequent computer networking
- Foodstuffs, Meats, Produce and Crops That Were Grown With, Fed With, Raised With or That Contain Inputs From Crops Grown With Government Subsidies
- Clothing Made from Crops (e.g. cotton) That Were Grown With or That Contain Inputs From Government Subsidies
If a veteran of the government-run socialist US military, I will forego my VA benefits and insist on paying for my own medical care
I will not tour socialist government buildings like the Capitol in Washington, D.C.
I pledge to never take myself, my family, or my children on a tour of the following types of socialist locations, including but not limited to:
- Smithsonian Museums such as the Air and Space Museum or Museum of American History
- The socialist Washington, Lincoln, and Jefferson Monuments
- The government-operated Statue of Liberty
- The Grand Canyon
- The socialist World War II and Vietnam Veterans Memorials
- The government-run socialist-propaganda location known as Arlington National Cemetery
- All other public-funded socialist sites, whether it be in my state or in Washington, DC
I will urge my Member of Congress and Senators to forego their government salary and government-provided healthcare.
I will oppose and condemn the government-funded and therefore socialist military of the United States of America.
I will boycott the products of socialist defense contractors such as GE, Lockheed-Martin, Boeing, Northrop Grumman, General Dynamics, Raytheon, Humana, FedEx, General Motors, Honeywell, and hundreds of others that are paid by our socialist government to produce goods for our socialist army.
I will protest socialist security departments such as the Pentagon, FBI, CIA, Department of Homeland Security, TSA, Department of Justice and their socialist employees.
Upon reaching eligible retirement age, I will tear up my socialist Social Security checks.
Upon reaching age 65, I will forego Medicare and pay for my own private health insurance until I die.
SWORN ON A BIBLE AND SIGNED THIS DAY OF __________ IN THE YEAR ___.
_____________ _________________________
Signed Printed Name/Town and State
Admit it. You thought of this already.
Sessions is Foghorn Leghorn, from the attitude and misogyny to the stammer and the accent.
And while Graham doesn't sound like the widow hen, he does kind of fill out the role of Miss Prissy in a pinch.
It is both annoying and entertaining to see how painfully short the memories of senators seem to be. Just three years ago, Judge Alito proudly said he draws on his Italian-American heritage in considering decisions before him... how could he not?
But a woman... a Latina...? No way! I mean she's not a rich white dude, so what's she even doing there?!
[credit Terry Pinder aka @shortstack81 for first suggesting the characterization, to me at least.]
Today's "No shit?" news from the Los Angeles Times...
Really? I just thought those joints ended up by the schools kinda by coincidence. Maybe the fast food people knew that if they opened a store within a tenth of a mile, kids would be more likely to go there. Wow, what a gamble: Will kids be willing to walk a whole 176 yards for a Supersized Big Mac "value" meal?
Please, go on...
The next thing you know, we'll be reading that if you place a huge bowl of M&Ms on a table in front of kids during a round of video gaming, they will be far more likely to eat a lot more M&Ms.
Gotta run. I want to gt my application in for that research grant before any of you beat me to it.
Yes, broadcasting legend Paul Harvey bought the farm at age 90. It's... true.
OK, many of you may have no idea who Paul Harvey was. But there was a time when he, as the was the biggest thing on radio. He was a top dollar advertising buy, and to be an advertiser, he had to approve of your product, and then sponsors had to allow him do the ads himself.
His uniquely annoying delivery was best mocked by an otherwise forgettable comedian and one-time Saturday night Live cast member, Rich Hall. Hall's version of Paul Harvey immediately came to mind when I heard Harvey had died. Specifically the "It's true, and speaking of true, True Value..." linkage, which made me laugh for the great satire it was. Of course, great satire only is great if the audience knows the original subject being satirized. If you re under 30, this may be lost on you.
But, as a tribute to a one-time supporter of Joe McCarthy, here's Rich Hall playing both himself and Paul Harvey from a 1987 television special. (You can find anything on that YouTube thing.)
And that's the...end.... of the story.
Commercial air travel is a complex human experience. It can be exciting, stressful, tedious, aggravating or enjoyable. Sometimes one trip can hit all of those traits and more.
In my experience, bad travel experiences are best divide into those that can't be helped, and those that could have been mediated with better policy, practice or common sense. Weather delays fall into the first category. If the airport is snowed in, it is hard to blame anyone. But so many bad flight experiences are preventable. Better or more realistic scheduling, for example, can lessen chronic delays. A more strict adherence to policy can prevent that chaos that occurs in the aisle during boarding when selfish jerks and hapless nincompoops bring on board ridiculously over-sized luggage and odd items and then have nowhere to put them. This is usually determined after they boarded late and managed to slam into several people while trying to get their steamer trunk in a bin best suited for a gym bag.
For me, however, nothing is more annoying than the presence of screaming babies, toddlers and brats. Yes, I know; just saying this makes me an asshole. But, sorry, that's the way I feel. To be sure, kids should be able to travel. But do they have to travel on the same plane as me? Honestly, I would rather have an hour delay each way that have someone's little darling sit behind me kicking my seat all the way to Florida.
In all fairness, yes, my parents took us on trips when we were little kids. But back then people treated flying and their fellow passengers with a lot more respect. We had to wear our Sunday best, and we didn't dare make a scene. My mother perfected the "if looks could kill" stare. These days, tracksuited passengers let little ones blare loud games, run up and down the aisles, and generally annoy curmudgeons like me.
This is why I hope airlines and the FAA will endorse my new idea: Baby-Stow™ comfort bed overhead bins for small children:
Think of it: you board, deposit your kids in a specially equipped bin where there are safely, securely and comfortably enclosed in a space pumped full of hyper-oxygenated air (for restful light-headedness). Parents can select music or videos to keep the kids occupied, and the bins are soundproofed for the benefit of the adult passengers. Why, it can even be educational! You could play language and dialect media so the little tykes can be better versed in the local language and/or vernacular. (They won't have to ask things like "what are grits?", "what's cervesa mean?" or "am I a señior or señiorita?") At the end of the flight, both parent and child arrive refreshed, and the other passengers are not harboring homicidal thoughts, at least toward the parents.
Yeah, yeah, I know. This is probably cruel, not to mention illegal, unsafe and totally just plain wrong. But how different is it from when my aunt used to give my cousins codeine cough syrup when they used to fly. That worked like a charm and was, ostensibly, doctor-approved.
OK. Maybe this needs more thought.
[h/t to Jorie and Jack for the photo]
